The Fear

For the past few years I've been on a journey to "find myself" or so I keep saying. In all honesty I haven't been on a journey to anywhere or doing anything other that diving deeper and deeper into isolation. Why would anyone want to subject themselves to such isolation you may ask? I have asked myself that question several times in the stillness of the night why I would do such a thing. The answer was always there, but typical of one in denial I chose to ignore it. The answer is quite simple, in fact it is too simple and terrifying. The simple truth is that I am afraid.
Afraid of opening myself up to the world afraid of leaving this cocoon I have built around myself, afraid to leave the comfort and security of these walls I have built around myself to keep the world outside and keep myself safe on the inside.

This crippling fear has lead me to push people away without regret, to live in a world full of paranoid delusions. In the last couple of months things have changed and I admit I am a happier person, but alas comes the fear again gripping my heart with it icy cold fingers threatening to send me back to the prison of isolation which i have slowly dug my way from.

But in the end I guess I have to make a choice: to succumb to the fear again or just cast away the weight of the fear bearing down on me and emerge as a better human being, ready to take on the world so to speak.
In the end fear is the just irrational manifestation of facing the unknown. No matter what you fear, theres no time like the present to move away from the darkness that binds us to the shadows and step into the light of the newness that will engulf you once you face your fears.

Always remember that every journey starts with a single step. So take that step, take that chance and face those fears and they will stop being fears and simply be steps in the ladder that leads to a better and happier you.

Peace, love and happiness
Ellie